Alone But Not Lonely

Illustrated by Yaoyao Ma Van As

At one point in our lives, most of us have heard stories of people who talk about how they had an enlightening experience when they went for a solo trip or how a retreat away from people and their phones helped them connect with themselves or how they just enjoyed the experience of watching a movie in a theatre all by themselves and having a good meal all alone. Listening to such stories at times we also feel the need to have such experiences in life, especially when we are experiencing some type of burnout or stress and desire to have some type of change in our current lives. But when we think about giving it a try, why does it seem so hard? Why is it so hard to not respond to a call or text? Why is it so hard to disconnect with people in real life even for a short period? Why is it so hard to be alone? Why is it so scary to be alone?

Being alone is often misinterpreted as experiencing loneliness. Loneliness is a feeling that one feels when they feel that they have no one around them, one can also feel lonely in a crowd of people, as they may feel that although there are people around them who they can talk to there is no one to connect or relate to. None of us as humans like the feeling of loneliness as it can at times be sad and isolating.

We fear that if we spend some time alone we will miss out on all that is happening around us and be left behind and thus in turn feel lonely. Considering the world we live in it is okay to feel this way because the world waits for no one and keeps on changing, and being humans living in this world we are taught to keep up with this change. But at times keeping up although necessary can get tiring and we often tend to wear ourselves out. It is at moments like these we need to take a step back and reconnect with ourselves, and to do this, spending time by ourselves in other words being alone can effectively help us take a pause and focus and recharge ourselves.

Spending some time alone does not mean that you are antisocial or lack social connections or have no friends. It also does not mean that you lack social or communication skills or can't get along with others and can’t have fun. Being alone and spending some “me time” is much more than just being by yourself. It involves engaging in activities that you would like to do by yourself or with yourself. Whether it is cooking and eating a meal by yourself, taking yourself out shopping, going on a trip or mindlessly laying and relaxing on the bed and staring at the ceiling while music plays in the background.

By doing so you get time to be with yourself and reflect on various things about yourself that you would otherwise not have the time to do. It could be as simple as realizing how much you love cooking or shopping or how much you love your bed, or as novel as discovering new likes and dislikes about yourself. Sometimes being alone can also lead to deep and insightful thoughts and feeling that stem from past experiences, and at times spending time with these thoughts and feelings can help us process, heal and make meaning of those past experiences. This also makes us more mindful, stronger and more resilient as we learn to sit with our thoughts and feelings by ourselves.

Thus, spending some time alone is okay and should be normalized more as more of us would learn to connect with ourselves, would get an opportunity to make discoveries and understand ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses and in turn make us more resilient to deal with the real world.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.