Gratitude - World's Most Powerful Drug

Today, it is common to talk about amplifying gratitude in our lives but attaching a hashtag to a moment is different from digging to the root of all we have been given and bringing true intentional gratitude to our lives every day. Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast defines gratitude as the feeling of appreciation that comes when “you recognize that something is valuable to you which has nothing to do with its monetary worth.” These can be words from a friend, a kind gesture, an opportunity, a lesson, a new pillow, a loved one’s return to health, a memory of a blissful moment, etc. When we start our day with gratitude we will be open to opportunities not obstacles.

It’s hard to believe that thankfulness could actually have measurable benefits, but the science to prove so, exists. Gratitude has been linked to better mental health, self-awareness, better relationships and a sense of fulfillment. Gratitude also helps us overcome the bitterness and pain that we all carry with us. Try feeling jealous and grateful at the same time. Hard to imagine right? When people are present in gratitude they can’t be anywhere else. According to UCLA neuroscientist, Alex Korb, we truly can’t focus on positive and negative feelings at the same time. When we feel grateful our brain release dopamine (the reward chemical) which makes us want to feel that way again and we begin to make gratitude a habit. Gratitude has benefits not just for the mind but for physical body, the toxic emotions that gratitude blocks contribute to widespread inflammation which is a precursor to loads of chronic illness including heart disease.

Often, we feel deeply grateful but we have no idea how to pass it on. There are many ways and depths of giving thanks and giving back. The most basic way to show gratitude is to say "thank you". But who wants to be basic? Make thanks as specific as possible. Think about the 'thank you' notes you might receive after hosting a gathering. The minute we are given even incrementally more detailed gratitude, we begin to feel better.

This is the key: your friend felt joy at being a part of the gathering that you put together, and the effort they took to compose that you note brought joy back to you. For each gratitude comes from realizing that someone else is invested in you. It’s a feedback loop of love. The feedback loop of love jibes with the Buddha teaching that kindness and gratitude must be developed together working in harmony. Kindness is as easy and as hard as this: genuinely wanting something good for someone else, thinking about what would benefit them, and putting effort into giving them that benefit.

If you ever made a sacrifice for someone else’s benefit, you can easily recognize the effort and energy someone else gives you. That is to say your own act of kindness teaches you what it takes to be kind so your own kindness enables you to feel truly grateful. Kindness teaches gratitude. This is what is happening in the microcosm of the thoughtful that you note. Kindness and gratitude follows a ripple effect. Pema Chodron advises “Be kind to yourself. And let your kindness flood the world”. In our daily encounters we want other people to be kind, compassionate, and giving towards us, who wouldn’t?  But the best way to attract these qualities into our lives is to develop them ourselves.

Sometimes, it is hardest to express gratitude to the people who mean the most to us. These include family, friends, teachers and mentors who made or still make a real difference in our lives. Sometimes, those you love will resist intimacy and brush you off. In this case, hold your

ground. Receiving gratitude requires vulnerability and openness. We block these feelings because we are afraid of being hurt. If somebody encounters resistance they might try shifting the approach. Take a moment to consider what form of gratitude the recipient would most appreciate. In some cases expressing gratitude in writing is the easiest way for both the

people to have time and space to process these feelings.

Perhaps you might be thinking, my parents did a number on me. Why should I be grateful to them? These are imperfect people in our lives- ones towards whom we feel unresolved or mixed emotions and therefore have trouble summoning gratitude. And yet, gratitude is not

black and white. We can be grateful for some but not all of a person’s behavior towards us, if

relationships are complicated accept their complexity. We tend to think of gratitude as appreciation for what we have been given, the rich complexity of life is full of gifts and lessons that we can’t always see clearly for what they are so why not choose to be grateful for

what is and what is possible. Embrace gratitude through daily practice, both internally in how

you look at your life, and externally, through the world around you and through action. Gratitude generates kindness and this spirit will reverberate in our communities bringing our highest intentions to those around us. Gratitude is the mother of all qualities. As a mother gives birth, gratitude brings forth all other qualities like compassion, resilience, confidence and passion, etc. These are all positive traits that help us find meaning and connect with others.

Few ways to practice gratitude in everyday life:

Practice mindfulness. Engage your senses and allow your thoughts to wander to pleasant, ordinary feelings. Consider the flavour of a ripe strawberry, the feel of the sun on your skin, or the soft sound of background music. This can help you stay in the current moment and avoid ruminating and stressing.

Writing notes of appreciation. Write thank-you notes to people in your life to strengthen your connections. Go into depth about your relationship's favourite memories, even apparently trivial conversations and humorous moments they may have forgotten about.

Revisit and reframe past events. Most of us can recall past events that we regret. You may nurture more thankfulness by recognising lessons in life's difficult circumstances. You could even combine this with the journaling exercise. Come up with a list of past misfortunes and the lessons you’ve learned from each.

Share the gratitude. Find a thankfulness partner to share your list of things with, talk about your struggles and accomplishments with, and to encourage you when you don't

feel like doing it.

Don’t stop when you start noticing results! Although counterintuitive, it can be tempting to stop any practice once you start seeing the benefits. Make sure you are committed to your practice, whether it feels beneficial in the current moment or not.

References

Oppland Mike. (2017). 13 most popular gratitude exercises and activities. Positive psychology

Reklau Marc. (2018). The Life-Changing Power of Gratitude.  Maklau Publishing; 1st edition

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.