Bursting the Bubble of the Bubble Wrap Generation

Samuel Goldwyn’s observation, "Success has destroyed more people than failures" seems truer today than ever before. Especially in the light of today’s parenting. Most parents nowadays, are so focused on protecting their children that they shield them from failure of any sort. Whether it is a toddler stumbling while taking baby steps or a young child sitting for

an exam, parents swoop in like eagles to airlift their babe in distress. Unarguably, failure is uncomfortable; however, failure is necessary to build grit and resilience. While trying to make their child’s life more comfortable, protecting his/her self-esteem, and feelings of disappointment, parents inadvertently seem to take valuable opportunities for learning away

from them. This mollycoddling results in several handicaps, the most grievous of which is the

lack of resilience.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is, “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties”. According to MacMillian Dictionary, the noun resilience, meaning 'the act of rebounding,' was first used in the 1620s and was derived from the Latin term resilire, which means to recoil or rebound.

Now, one of the necessary precursors for resilience, is an experience of difficulties. Today’s

parents in a frenzy of ‘over-parenting’, and in a bid to make their child’s life more comfortable, are raising a generation without ordeal or hurdles- bubble wrapped. However,

one day, life gets real and the child is left alone without the parental armour, and that is when they seem to crumble in front of adversity. Some of us are genetically more endowed with resilience, but it has to be honed and developed through experience. Resilience is the result of a complex series of internal and external characteristics, including genetics, physical fitness, mental health, and environment.

Resilience is not....

It is not bravado; it does not mean that one cannot cry or experience grief, feel afraid, not seek support. It merely means that one tries to overcome hurdles without succumbing to

them.

Resilient people are social, can communicate effectively, can set realistic goals, and maintain

an internal locus of control (the belief that one can control their own life and the outcomes

of events).

Here are a few effective ways to develop resilience in children:

• Giving scope for failure. It is important to experience failure. It is important to learn how to cope with failure. For this, parents need to let the child handle challenges without making success the end all and be all.

• Teaching children how to handle failure. Society seems to instill shame with failing. Taking failure as a stepping stone or a learning experience can help change the perception of failure.

• Teaching them to take responsibility for one’s actions. Although failure is not to be punished, that does not mean that the child is absolved of all responsibility of the outcome. Children must be taught to take ownership of the result with the intention of self-improvement, not self-flagellation. Another important trait that develops from taking responsibility is the development of an internal locus of control i.e., a belief that you are an active creator of your destiny and not merely a victim.

• Setting realistic goals and review them. One way to avert failure is to set goals that are commensurate to ability and situation. For this, goals need to be realistic and time bound. Goals must frequently be reviewed, and behaviours, aligned accordingly.

• Teaching them to be flexible and adapt to change. Indulgent parents strive hard to fulfil their children’s wishes so much so that the child has hardly heard ‘no’. It is vital that the child learn to be accommodating and not hold on to ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’.

• Encouraging self-care and physical fitness. A healthy mind needs a healthy body. Self-care also encourages discipline, a sense of routine, and being in tune with oneself. It helps in creating self-awareness, self-love, and self-esteem, and can help with stress management.

• Encouraging them to have friends and a support group. It is necessary that the child develops a healthy and vibrant social support in friends and family which can provide scaffolding in times of distress and delight. It does take a village!

• Providing them with resilient role models. Children surely need to be exposed to people they can emulate and the most influencing are the parents. Hence, the parent needs to display resilience so that the child can learn through observation. So walk the talk!

In an increasingly fragile world where challenges are incrementing exponentially, if we want to strengthen mental health, decimate the burgeoning suicide rates, and create a healthy, thriving generation that goes by the credo, “what doesn’t break me makes me stronger”, we

need to foster resilience.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.

References

Definition of resilience. (2023). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resilience#word-history

Kelly, J. (2021). What Does “Resilience” Mean, And Why Was It Trending? In

Dictionary.com. https://www.dictionary.com/e/resilience-trending/