How Can I Be Less Judgemental?

"Oh, he is so weak," "What is she wearing?" "That's so stupid, how could she possibly say that," "what a loser!" "She is working too hard," "isn't he too old for that?" "They look so foolish," and "Oh, he/she is so judgmental!"

Are there statements becoming a little too familiar to our ears? We hear these and have probably said yourselves, all while we live with the fear of being judged.

The act of making a judgement or evaluating something or someone in light of one's own standards, values, and beliefs is known as judgement. It is natural to be able to judge or to make judgements. It aids in decision-making and protects us from danger, but it is completely different from having a judgmental mindset or acting in a judgmental manner.

We use judgement to make sense of the massive amount of information we are exposed to every day because it is straightforward. A judgmental mindset is an unhealthy way of thinking that, although helping us understand the facts around us, also leaves a negative taste or impression.

Let us understand how one develops a judgmental attitude or thought pattern.

According to psychology's attribution theory, as people tend to give reasons for their actions, our opinions and judgements are attributions since they help us understand why people act the way they do. Second, the idea of projection states that when we criticize, we often project our own fears onto others. As Earl Nightingale once said, "When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Other grounds for judgement include:

• It is a point of bonding and seeking connection

• It helps you feel better about yourself

• It could be a defence mechanism

• A way to hide your low self-esteem

Each person has a cause to judge, but it doesn't really help, and as a community, we've learned that passing judgement or being judgemental isn't really appropriate. What can you do about this?

• The first thing to do is to be aware of your thoughts and judgmental nature.

• Spend some time alone and think back on instances where you may have made judgements.

• Understand what made you say that?

• What were you feeling in that moment?

• What were some of the ideas that crossed your mind, and how did you arrive at your conclusions?

• Recognise your insecurities and the aspects of yourself that you find unsettling.

• Treat yourself with love and compassion and work on developing an accepting attitude.

• Being open and accepting of oneself will help us be more open and accepting of others. This would make us feel secure and at ease with ourselves, which would make other people feel secure and at ease around us.

Lastly, we don't have to embark on this journey all by ourselves, a therapist can always help us identify our judgmental patterns and help us create healthier ones.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.