Why the ‘Inner Child’ is Important

Our childhood experiences can play an important role in influencing aspects of our personality, relationship patterns, the comfort we feel in experiencing and expressing a variety of emotions, our coping mechanisms, etc.

We are born with several physical and emotional needs that we depend on our caregivers for our survival. If some of these needs go unmet, it can have an impact on how we function as adults.

What is the inner child about?

The inner child is that part of us that represents our thoughts, emotions and behaviors that we may have internalized from our childhood experiences.

If our needs were not met, or because of adverse life experiences, neglect, physical, emotional or sexual abuse, witnessing violence, etc., the child self could have been wounded. Even without the presence of such adversity, just a lack of emotional support, trust, freedom to explore and be creative, or, other positive experiences, can also impact the experiences of the child.

The parts of us that have been wounded in childhood can very often show up even during our adulthood. We can form beliefs based on emotions we experienced from those wounds and then carry those beliefs in different life situations.

How the inner child can influence us in our adulthood?

If we have witnessed a parent or a caregiver not being able to process and regulate their emotions in a healthy manner, be inconsistent with their words and actions, disrespect boundaries, be very critical and shame others, etc. it is possible that we internalize these behaviors and approach our own lives and relationships with fear, lack of safety and trust, avoidance, etc.

If a child feels a constant need to prove themselves to gain love and approval, they can develop a conditional sense of self worth, where one only feels worthy if they are doing well, or their identity depends on something outside of themselves even as adults. This can happen because of the inner child’s experiences and internalized messages about how to show up as an adult.

The wounded inner child might also unknowingly try to recreate old patterns because they seem familiar, such as chasing after emotionally unavailable or critical romantic partners to prove to ourselves that we are worthy if we ‘win’ their love.

If a child felt emotionally neglected and believed that it was because they were not worthy of attention and affection, it is possible that they could carry this belief into their relationships as adults.

The inner child is important because we can build awareness about how our beliefs, emotions and actions could have been affected by childhood experiences and remind ourselves that as adults we do not have to continue thinking the way the wounded parts of us once did.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.