Will We Ever Feel Ready?

"I'll do it when I feel ready."

It sounds reasonable. Maybe you want to apply for a new job, start a course, have a difficult conversation, move to a new city, or finally begin something you've been thinking about for months. But somehow, ‘when I'm ready’ keeps getting pushed a little further away.

Maybe you tell yourself you need more experience first. Or more information. Or a little more confidence. Sometimes, you may not even know exactly what you're waiting for; you just know that now doesn't feel like the right time.

But what does ready actually mean?

The promise of feeling ready

We often imagine that one day, everything will fall into place. We'll feel confident enough, clear enough, and certain enough to finally take the step.

The problem is that important decisions rarely come with that kind of certainty. Research on decision-making shows that people often have to choose with incomplete information, and that trying to eliminate uncertainty entirely can make decisions more difficult rather than more effective (Gigerenzer & Gaissmaier, 2011).

You can be excited about a new opportunity and still feel nervous. You can know that you want a change and still worry about what might happen. You can feel ready to begin something and still wonder whether you're making the right choice.

Feeling uncertain doesn't necessarily mean you're unprepared. Sometimes, it simply means that something matters to you. And if we keep waiting for all the uncertainty to disappear, we may find ourselves waiting for a very long time.

What are we really protecting ourselves from?

Sometimes, waiting is less about needing more time and more about wanting to avoid a difficult feeling.

If you don't apply for the job, you don't have to deal with rejection.

If you don't start, you don't have to risk getting it wrong.

If you don't make the decision, you don't have to wonder whether you made the wrong one.

In that moment, waiting can feel comforting. It gives us a break from the possibility of disappointment, judgment, or regret. This short-term relief can reinforce avoidance, even when avoidance creates longer-term difficulties (Barlow et al., 2018). The problem is that the relief is usually temporary. The decision is still there. So is the uncertainty. This doesn't mean that every delay is avoidance. Sometimes we genuinely need more time, information, or preparation. The question is whether we're preparing ourselves to move forward or finding another reason not to.

When preparation becomes procrastination

Preparation can be helpful. It can give us the knowledge and confidence we need to take a step. But sometimes, preparation quietly turns into a way of postponing action. You might keep researching courses without applying to one. Rewrite your CV again and again without sending it. Wait until you know exactly what to say before having a difficult conversation.

At some point, the question changes from "What do I need to know?" to "What else can I do so I don't have to begin yet?"

This is where perfectionism can enter the picture.

Sometimes, we aren't looking for a good decision. We're looking for the right one; the decision that guarantees we won't regret it later. Research has linked perfectionistic concerns, such as fear of mistakes and harsh self-evaluation, with procrastination (Flett et al., 2012). But most meaningful choices don't come with guarantees.

The pressure to make the "right" choice

Some decisions naturally feel heavier than others.

Choosing a career, getting married, moving to another city or country, deciding what to study, or making a significant financial decision can affect more than just the present moment. These choices may involve our families, finances, relationships, and ideas about where we believe we should be in life. Wanting to make a thoughtful decision isn't a problem. In fact, it can be a strength. But when the pressure to get it right becomes too strong, not choosing can start to feel safer than choosing imperfectly. Research on maximising; the attempt to identify the best possible option, suggests that extensive comparison can be associated with greater decision difficulty and regret for some people (Schwartz et al., 2002). We may spend so much time trying to predict every possible outcome that we forget something important: we cannot know the future with complete certainty.

You don't need certainty to make a decision

Many meaningful decisions involve some degree of uncertainty.

Instead of asking yourself:

"How can I know this will work?"

you could ask:

"Do I know enough to take the next step?"

The second question doesn't require you to have everything figured out. It simply asks whether you have enough information to move forward for now.

This also changes how we think about confidence.

We often assume that confidence comes first:

Confidence → Action

But it can work the other way too:

Action → Experience → Confidence

This does not mean that action always produces confidence immediately, or that people should ignore genuine risks. However, social-cognitive research suggests that mastery experiences such as successfully attempting manageable tasks, are an important source of self-efficacy, or belief in one's ability to handle future challenges (Bandura, 1997).

You may not feel confident before your first interview, your first difficult conversation, or your first day in a new place. But taking that first step gives you experience. Experience gives you information. And over time, that can build confidence.

You don't have to feel fearless to begin.

So, what can you do instead?

You don't need to force yourself into a big decision just to prove that you can act. Instead, try noticing what is keeping you in the waiting stage.

Ask yourself:

What am I waiting to feel? Am I waiting for confidence, certainty, permission, or reassurance?

Do I need more preparation, or am I avoiding discomfort? If you already have enough information to take the next step, more research may not give you the certainty you're hoping for.

Can I make the next step smaller? You don't have to decide whether you'll change your entire career. You could speak to someone in the field you're considering. 

Breaking a difficult task into smaller, specific steps is consistent with behavioural approaches to procrastination, which focus on reducing avoidance and increasing engagement with manageable actions (Rozental & Carlbring, 2014).

And perhaps most importantly, give yourself room to revise.

A decision doesn't always have to be a permanent declaration of who you are. Sometimes you make a choice, learn from it, and change direction. That isn't necessarily failure. It is information about what works for you and what doesn't.

Maybe you don't have to feel ready

There will always be moments in life when we wish we had a little more certainty before taking the next step. Sometimes, waiting is exactly what we need. Other times, waiting becomes a way of protecting ourselves from the discomfort of beginning. The goal isn't to rush into every decision or ignore your fears. It's to recognise when the search for certainty is keeping you from something that matters to you. Perhaps being ready doesn't mean feeling completely confident, fearless, or certain. Perhaps it simply means knowing that you can take one step, learn from what happens, and take the next one from there. You may never feel completely ready for the decisions that matter most. But you don't need to know exactly how the story will unfold to begin writing the next part.

References

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

Barlow, D. H., Farchione, T. J., Fairholme, C. P., Ellard, K. K., Boisseau, C. L., Allen, L. B., & Ehrenreich-May, J. (2018). Unified protocol for transdiagnostic treatment of emotional disorders: Therapist guide (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/med-psych/9780190686017.001.0001

Flett, G. L., Stainton, M., Hewitt, P. L., Sherry, S. B., & Lay, C. (2012). Procrastination automatic thoughts as a personality construct: An analysis of the procrastination cognitions inventory. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 30(4), 223–236. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10942-012-0150-z

Gigerenzer, G., & Gaissmaier, W. (2011). Heuristic decision making. Annual Review of Psychology, 62, 451–482. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-120709-145346

Rozental, A., & Carlbring, P. (2014). Understanding and treating procrastination: A review of a common self-regulatory failure. Psychology, 5(13), 1488–1502. https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2014.513160

Schwartz, B., Ward, A., Monterosso, J., Lyubomirsky, S., White, K., & Lehman, D. R. (2002). Maximizing versus satisficing: Happiness is a matter of choice. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(5), 1178–1197. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.83.5.1178

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.