Dealing With Setbacks

A setback is any event that delays or impedes the progress of a person or occurrence. Naturally, like all hurdles and impediments, it creates stress. Stress, as we understand it, is ubiquitous. However, most important is how one responds to the stress or setback because it is our attitude and behaviour that determines whether the setback leads to loss or learning. Setbacks can vary in intensity. They can be minor like a postponed event or a change in deadline, or they can be major and irrevocable, like the loss of a loved one. They may also be cumulatively stressful if they occur from various directions... all at the same time. They can demotivate, distress, disengage; there can be denial, defeat, anger, apathy. However, these energy devouring reactions are not helpful. The single most combative force is a positive attitude. An attitude packed with resilience and realism. Ironically, to build your reservoir of resilience, small setbacks and failures are necessary. It is extremely important that parents learn this so as to not protect their children from failure.

“Success has destroyed more people than failures.” These lines by Samuel Goldwyn are

poignant. Combating adversity is never a linear progression they will be ups and downs but resilience is vital. Dealing with Setbacks can be done in multiple ways. Here are a few:

• Take Time. It is necessary to take time to process the loss or impediment. Taking time also gives you an opportunity to assess the situation and respond without reacting.

• Respond, do not react. There is often a knee jerk reaction to flee or panic or have an angry outburst. These are counterproductive. One must recognise these reactions; exercise restraint and learn to respond.

• Acceptance. The first step to mature handling of situations is to accept reality. It is only when you accept things as they are, can you move forward and search for solutions. Sometimes, the solution is also to pause to reflect and let go; choose another path.

• Be kind. One needs to be kind not just to people around us but also to ourselves. You are not superhuman and do not try to be. You, are also not infallible.

• Get back in the driver's seat. Remember the Phoenix bird that rises from its own ashes. Take your time but get back into the driver’s seat.

• Look at Plan B. Sometimes the only way forward may be to change your path. For that, it can help to have alternatives. Much as the plan A was close to your heart, sometimes it is doesn't work and one needs to be prepared to consider other solutions. Some setbacks, like death, are irrevocable; it is pointless to bang on closed doors... search instead for a window.

• Remember, life goes on. An inspiring story, in this context, is that of Thomas Edison. At around 5:30 in the evening on Dec. 10, 1914, a massive explosion erupted in West Orange, New Jersey. Ten buildings in the legendary inventor's plant, were engulfed in flames. Later, at the scene of the blaze, Edison was quoted in The New York Times as saying, "Although I am over 67 years old, I'll start all over again tomorrow." He is also rumored to have asked his son to enjoy the spectacle. His responses could have been myriad... He could have been angry, depressed or withdrawn. However, he chose resilience. The next time, you face a setback, invoke this great man!

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.