To Err Is Human, To Heal Is Divine- Exploring the fear of Making mistakes and social judgement.

What is the fear about?

That exact moment when we are all set to speak up, ask a question or present in front of a gathering- something happens, our mind is flooded with questions like- 

“Am I making sense?”

“Am I saying the right thing?”

“Are they judging me?”

“What if I am wrong?” 

“Are they thinking that I am stupid?”

We have all been there, feeling embarrassed and questioning ourselves.

Here this moment is not just about saying or doing the right thing. 

There is a lot more focus on- “How am I being perceived by others?”. 

This need to be considered good enough by others can lead to perfectionistic expectations from ourselves.

Self Reflection:

• Are we basing our self worth on how others respond/ think about us, rather than what we believe about ourselves?

We all know how perfectionism is unrealistic and rigid in nature. However this pursuit of perfection also blinds us to the reality that making mistakes is a natural part of being a human. Thus this far-from-reality-belief can breed feelings like- anger, disgust, frustration, rejection towards oneself , when we do make mistakes. 

Effects of FOMM

Key (2021) coined the acronym- FOMM - which stands for Fear of making mistakes and explains it as an “inhibitory drive that causes us to give up or not take any action” 

When we lead our life using the FOMM lens- we automatically hold back our authentic self. The more we hide, the more disconnected we get in the process.  

Navigating the ocean of fear

With everything being said, we all know how challenging and distressing such a situation can be. It's important to have clarity and compassion towards ourselves such that we are able to surf through this huge wave of emotions that might follow. 

How do I look at mistakes?

When we look at mistakes as pure data and not personal setbacks, we are more likely to work through it to find a solution. When we see them as personal attacks, our emotional systems get overwhelmed leading to emotions like- shame, anxiety, self doubt, making it even more difficult to move forward.

Thinking about mistakes from a curious stance- will help us to think clearly and generate solutions effectively. 

Breathe

Let's be real here, we are not robots. If we were, we would just reboot after a scary presentation and move on. However, being human, sometimes the only solution after such nerve wrecking situations would be to hide under a blanket and to never face anyone. Thus finding solutions right after a very scary presentation, might not be as easy as it sounds. 

In these moments, maybe it's not about finding the solution first but finding our own balance. Before we can think clearly we need to pause, breathe and help our body feel safe again. 

Sometimes, the fear of making mistakes comes from a deep belief that messing up will lead to harsh judgment from others.

We imagine people noticing every word we say, every move we make, analyzing it all under a microscope. 

But in reality? Most people are too caught up in their own thoughts to notice our slip-ups.

Still, that belief can be powerful—it tricks us into thinking we're always being watched, always being evaluated. And that constant pressure can make even small tasks feel overwhelming.

Self Reflection:

• What do I focus on before speaking to an audience?

Self compassion

Treating ourselves with the same kindness that we may offer to a good friend, can help us to feel more motivated than being extremely hard on ourselves. 

And let's be clear, Self compassion is not an excuse nor is it about lowering our standards. Rather it allows us more space to grow and learn. When we are kind to ourselves we are more likely to bounce back faster and move forward:)

References-

Kimberly Key (2021) Overcoming fear of making mistakes, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/counseling-keys/202103/overcoming-fear-of-making-mistakes

Schaffner, A.K. (2023) How to overcome fear of failure: Your ultimate guide https://positivepsychology.com/fear-of-failure/

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice, and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional, and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us at fettle.counselling@gmail.com.