Fear of Being Seen

Fear of being Seen

The split second between raising your hands to speak up and actually being called out, is when you hear your body scream to just disappear. This feeling is not just shyness but a specific fear of taking space and of being seen. If this is you, you're far from being alone, and this feeling is quite common. 

It is a kind of anxiety that does not announce itself loudly but lingers around always in our mind. It can come up in the form of hesitation before speaking in meetings, shrinking oneself so as not to draw even the slightest of attention. 

What is this fear after all?

The fear is not about literal visibility but about how we are perceived by others. Moreover it is about the worry of being judged and scrutinized for each action and thought of ours. We fear that they may look through us and find us lacking, unworthy or even strange. 

Reflection: Do you find yourself often shrinking yourself in social spaces?

This fear may show up in multiple ways like-feeling uncomfortable receiving attention, minimizing one’s achievements or opinions, choosing silence over suggestion to avoid judgements and  believing that others are more deserving of space and recognition. 

Underlying Roots:

Growing up in invalidating environments, or learning that it is wrong to take space or to speak up often lead to such fears. Internalising messages like- "don't be too much, "don't stand out,” “stay humble” teaches us that visibility is threatful. Over time we learn to silence ourselves, even before anyone else can. 

Deep rooted fears of criticism and humiliation may lead to one avoiding attention, or taking up roles of leadership. Long history of comparison may make one think of how they should never speak up as they are not perfect. Sometimes traumatic experiences like bullying may make one use invisibility as a way to protect themselves. Thus all these experiences strengthen the belief that- taking space means inviting judgement and thus is a huge danger.

Here's what I have learnt about visibility: the version of ourselves that we think people want to see isn't actually what creates connection. Perfection is admirable from a distance, but it's honesty that lets people come closer. Being seen isn't about having everything figured out before we step forward. It's about stepping forward with the uncertainty, the questions, the parts of yourself that you are still figuring out.

Definitely , this feels more vulnerable because it surely is. The stakes are real. And yet, this is precisely what makes genuine connection possible. People don't bond over perfection, they bond over recognition

Reclaiming Space

Learning to tolerate being seen and taking spaces is a process, that is not about suddenly becoming loud but slowly learning that- we are allowed to take space just as we are today, with all our imperfections, we are allowed to be imperfect and exist without apologizing for it, with all our weird complexities, flaws and unfinished projects. 

The world needs more of you and what you have to offer- but it wont receive it if you keep hiding it. Being seen is vulnerable and maybe scary too, but it is also the most human thing we can do:)

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.