Pre-Pregnancy Questions You Should Discuss With Your Partner (Before the Baby Fever Takes Over)

Perhaps it’s the squishy baby cheeks you are seeing on your Instagram page or your desire to nurture a young mind and pass on your culture & customs. Whatever may be the reason, you finally feel ready to have a child. 

But before you start shortlisting baby names and Pinterest baby showers, it’s time for The Talk, the pre-pregnancy talk. Here are a few questions you and your partner should discuss before diving headfirst into sleepless nights and suspicious diaper smells.

1. Are We Actually Ready?

The truth is, no one ever feels 100% ready. But it helps to ask: Why now? Is it genuine readiness, pressure  from your family or something that you think you’re just supposed to do instead of what you actually want. 

2. Who’s Waking Up at 3 A.M.?

Simply put, what does the division of labour look like? What are the tasks at hand and who will be managing which tasks? Tasks aren’t just baby related, you still have to do other things like pay the bills on time, fold the laundry, restock groceries, put away the dishes, etc. Try and make the discussion as specific as possible. For example, when that future bundle of joy starts screaming at an ungodly hour, who’s getting out of bed? If your partner says, “We’ll take turns,” ask them to define turns. Do they mean every other night? Or every other time the baby cries at night? Because those are not the same thing.

3. Who is our village?

Who is involved in raising the child? Grandparents, uncles and aunts may be involved in child care and may have differing perspectives on how a baby is to be raised. This may result in unsolicited advice ranging from “Don’t pick the baby up too much!” and “Babies need to be fed every 3 hours !” to “In our time, we used mustard oil for everything!” 

This means you and your partner need to discuss your own parenting philosophies. And then decide in advance who will diplomatically handle each family faction before someone’s mom shows up with 12 woolen blankets in May.

4. How will we look after maternal health?

   

   
   

Pregnancy and birth can take a huge toll on the mother. Explore what kind of support network you can build. Many Indian customs dictate that the mother spend part of her pregnancy and post delivery days in her maternal home and may be helpful in giving the mother the needed rest and support. Make sure to discuss how physical and mental recovery will be prioritized through stress management strategies, building emotional safety, getting rest, and ensuring they are feeling supported by their partner.

5. Can We Afford to Raise a Mini-Human?

Let’s be real: babies are cute, but financially they’re like small, chubby roommates who never pay rent and demand new shoes every three months. Before conception, sit down and look at your finances. Ask, “Can we afford this?” and if your answer is “emotionally, yes; financially, no,” maybe there needs to be some more planning.

6. What About Our “Us” Time?

Parenthood is wonderful — but so is sleep, silence, and spontaneous pizza nights. Talk about how you’ll keep your relationship alive amid diaper changes and Peppa Pig reruns. Schedule mini-dates, trade off baby duties, and agree that sometimes dinner can just be cereal in peace.

The Bottom Line

Before you make a tiny version of yourselves, make sure you’re on the same team — emotionally, financially, and philosophically. Have the hard talks, laugh about the weird ones, and remember you can only plan so far. Because one day, that same partner you’re now interrogating will be right there with you covered in baby puke, running on three hours of sleep and you’ll both laugh about how you once thought this was going to be easy.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.