Purpose Decoded

“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'." - Viktor Frankl

Purpose is a heavy word. We talk a lot about finding it, but there's no fixed template for how to go about discovering it, or even for what a life's purpose should/can look like. And we don't deal well with uncertainty as humans. We would rather not search for an answer to the question about life's purpose than dive into uncertain, seemingly vague waters. So here’s an attempt to decode what a sense of purpose is all about, to allow a more concrete understanding of it to take shape.

The purpose a sense of purpose serves 

There aren't any hard consequences of not being able to find a sense of purpose in life- it's not as necessary as eating, breathing or working. It's mostly in the moments we're feeling low, hopeless or worthless; or when we're on the brink of a big decision, that questions about purpose make an appearance.

And yet, having some, any, sense of purpose makes all the difference. It provides an intention to approach your days with, a reason to wake up for everyday. It helps create a solid foundation on which our dreams and goals for the future can be based on. It makes all the difference between just existing and living. “How are these two even different?”, one may ask. Well, ‘existing’ has an air of surrender around it- that ‘I am a part of a world which would continue to function just fine with or without me, and what happens with me here is beyond my control’. Whereas, ‘living’ is about using the ‘live energy’ that we’re blessed with as humans with choice and intention. It’s about interacting with the world with a keenness to experience whatever it has to offer without losing yourself in it. It’s about having a certain vision for the future that would make it seem worthwhile to re-claim the lost will to live on your terms. 

In times of distress and hopelessness, having a sense of purpose keeps us afloat and moving by helping us find an answer to the question: ‘What for? What would make going through this pain seem worth it?’ The answer to this gives a lot to us- it helps summon up resilience and strength to deal with the tough circumstances. Amidst agonizing uncertainty of the circumstances, this answer provides a reassuring certainty about what matters to us and what we’re aiming to achieve in navigating through the stressful times.  

The bottom line here- discovering and committing to a sense of purpose allows us to justify our place in the world and in our own eyes. 

How can it be found?

There are no right or wrong answers to what your sense of purpose can involve- they just need to be right for you because your purpose has to be personal. These realizations have to come from conversations with yourself, they cannot be borrowed from or evaluated against any norms.

Although there isn’t any clear-cut blueprint to finding a sense of purpose, asking yourself the right questions and being honest with yourself in your reflections (even when faced with hard truths) can be a starting point. Here are a few to help you reflect:

• What are some of my core values that I’m usually very careful not to compromise on? This can be what I stand up for in most situations because of how much it matters to me, for example, commitment, perseverance, kindness, growth, creativity, gratitude. To what extent is my everyday life structured around these values? What practices would help me align better with these values? 

• What are some times where doing something has felt effortless or a natural fit for me- because of my passion for that work and how fulfilling it feels to just engage in it?

• If it wasn’t for situational constraints (if any) that are holding me back, would my goals look different? Is there a way I could work towards the goals I’d prioritize in such ideal conditions by taking small steps in the present?

• How can I do justice to the roles I play- as a professional, as a partner, as a friend, as a family member, or even as a part of the society or the human race at large? How can I rank them priority-wise for each phase in my life? In these spheres of life, what needs can I spot, and which ones do I feel passionate about fulfilling?

It’s a journey

Purpose evolves as per our circumstances - we don’t always get to choose our path, sometimes our circumstances make this choice for us. But even when we commit to such a path because we have no alternative, there's always some thinking dedicated to “Where do I want to get at the end of this rocky road?” All our decisions are made with the intention of getting somewhere. So it’s okay to not have all the layers to your sense of purpose figured out. Starting with conversations about your intentions behind the smallest of steps you take in navigating through everyday life is often more than enough. Rest of the answers to the daunting question about purpose are eventually figured out as you build this momentum!

There's purpose in setting your work aside when you can see a loved one yearning to spend time with you and you prioritize connection over career for the moment. There's purpose in getting up early just to watch the sunrise, even if you go back to sleep once you're done witnessing it. There's purpose in creating a habit of reading. There's purpose in walking instead of taking a cab when you know it's going to help you get some exercise and save money. There's purpose in watching your comfort movie after a crappy day. Purpose doesn't need to shine only through big achievements, it's also present as an undercurrent in the everyday choices you make with intention.

We humans find possibilities exciting - to know that there are pages in the book of our life that aren't written yet. The possibilities for how these could be filled are endless; and yet we have limited energy, making it necessary for us to choose where we channel it. And it’s a sense of purpose that allows us to make this choice. Without the focus that purpose provides, our energies would be scattered across impulsive choices, widening the gap between our present and our potential. So even if not reflecting on your sense of purpose doesn’t do much harm in the short run, it plays an important role in determining how satisfied you feel when you look back at the meaning of your life.

References:

Baumeister, R. F., Vohs, K. D., Aaker, J. L., & Garbinsky, E. N. (2013). Some key differences between a happy life and a meaningful life. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8(6), 505–516. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2013.830764 

Burrow, A. L., & Hill, P. L. (2011). Purpose as a form of identity capital for positive youth adjustment. Developmental Psychology, 47(4), 1196-1206. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023818 

Frankl, V. E. (1963). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. 

Kashdan, T. B., & McKnight, P. E. (2013). Commitment to a purpose in life: An antidote to the suffering by individuals with social anxiety disorder. Emotion, 13(6), 1150-1159. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0033278 

McKnight, P. E., & Kashdan, T. B. (2009). Purpose in life as a system that creates and sustains health and well-being: An integrative, testable theory. Review of General Psychology, 13(3), 242-251. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017152 

Schippers, M. C., & Ziegler, N. (2019). Life Crafting as a Way to Find Purpose and Meaning in Life. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02778 

Steger, M. F., Frazier, P., Oishi, S., & Kaler, M. (2006). The Meaning in Life Questionnaire: Assessing the presence of and search for meaning in life. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 53(1), 80-93. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.53.1.80 

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.