Feeling Detached: Understanding Emotional Numbness in a Numb World

This is Davis Mitchell in Demolition (2015) who sits wordless at his wife’s funeral, he doesn’t cry. Instead, he writes complaint letters to a vending-machine company about a stuck bag of

M&Ms. He pulls apart refrigerators, clocks, and bathroom doors with calmness. Everyone around him wonders what is wrong with him, maybe his wife didn't matter to him at all? But what looks like his eccentric grief is really emotional detachment - the still, echoing space that appears when pain becomes too heavy to hold.

Detachment is not always dramatic; sometimes it's the moment when laughter feels delayed,

when joy feels intellectual instead of bodily, when even sadness refuses to visit. Psychology

describes emotional detachment as a reduced capacity to connect with one’s feelings or with

others (APA, 2023). It can be adaptive, serving as a temporary shield that lets us function during crisis, or maladaptive, when the shield hardens into distance (Denckla & Bornstein, 2015). In Davis’s case, his numbness protected him from the immediacy of grief - but left him dismantling everything except himself.

Emotional numbness often arises from suppression, the effortful pushing away of emotions that feel unsafe. Over time, suppression can flatten the whole emotional range; people stop

distinguishing sadness from peace, boredom from calm. Research on trauma and post-traumatic stress has found that this muted state, sometimes called emotional numbing, is not the absence of feeling but the brain’s protective freeze response (Duek et al., 2023).

In Davis’s world, demolition is survival. Each broken appliance is a metaphorical pause between what he refuses to face and what he can’t yet feel. Similarly, individuals who have experienced loss, rejection, or chronic stress often report this in-between state, neither broken nor healed, just paused.

Detachment often begins early. Children who grow up in environments where emotions are

dismissed (“Don’t cry,” “Be strong”) learn to equate feeling with weakness. In collectivist

societies like India, emotional restraint is often equated with maturity. Detachment can appear virtuous, a sign of control and discipline. Reflecting when this turns into disconnection is essential. Emotional exhaustion, lack of space to express themselves or growing mentality of ‘not needing anyone's later on make not just emotional expression but feeling as a concept ineffective.

How can we navigate this?

Psychologists Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer (2018) propose that the antidote to emotional disconnection isn’t forcing ourselves to feel, but approaching our inner world with mindfulness and compassion. Their Mindful Self-Compassion framework encourages three gentle practices:

1. Mindfulness - acknowledging what is present without judgment. For emotional numbness, this means noticing the absence of feeling rather than criticizing it. “I feel nothing right now” can itself be a mindful observation.

2. Common humanity - remembering that emotional shutdown is not personal failure but a human response to pain. Knowing that others struggle in similar ways restores a sense of belonging.

3. Self-kindness - treating oneself as one would a grieving friend. Instead of demanding emotion, we can offer patience.

Reconnection is rarely sudden. Just as Davis rebuilds from fragments, individuals often rediscover emotion slowly, an unexpected tear during a song, a sudden warmth while holding someone’s hand, a memory that finally stings. These are signs that the system is opening up to feelings.

Therapeutically, grounding practices help bridge body and mind. Techniques like mindful

breathing, body scans, or gentle physical activity (walking, yoga, stretching) remind the nervous system that the present is safe enough to feel. Expressive writing, art, or music can provide indirect access to emotion when words feel unreachable.

Importantly, working with a therapist can provide the relational safety that self-work sometimes lacks. Research emphasizes that safe emotional engagement, not forced catharsis, is what reverses numbing (Duek et al., 2023).

In one of the film’s closing scenes, as Davis stands in front of the carousel (no further spoilers

for those who have not watched it), he really looks around him, as if he hadn't in the last few days. In that moment he is in touch with his feelings and his environment. Afterall, he didn't lose the ability to feel, it was just his system processing it.

References

Denckla, C. A., & Bornstein, R. F. (2015). Toward a more nuanced conceptualization of

interpersonal distancing: Differential relationships of adaptive and dysfunctional detachment to stress-based anxiety in college students. Personality and Individual

Differences, 82, 148–152. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.03.008

Duek, S., Levi-Belz, Y., & Zohar, A. H. (2023). Emotional numbing and its

association with post-traumatic stress: A review of conceptual and therapeutic

perspectives. Journal of Affective Disorders, 329, 12–21.

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook: A

proven way to accept yourself, build inner strength, and thrive. Guilford Press.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice, and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional, and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us at fettle.counselling@gmail.com.