It is okay to NOT feel okay

In a world of social media, where everything revolves around bringing into a habit of practicing optimism and positivity, it becomes hard to constantly fight the internal battle of emotions that one maybe feeling. Negative emotions such as anger, sadness, frustration etc. are always are looked at from a sign of weakness. While you watch people living their best lives and posting quotes of positivity, it might make you believe that the only way to approach a difficult situation is to stay positive. While positivity is something that helps us as individuals sail the boat and stick to hope, “toxic positivity” is a concept which lies on the other end of this spectrum and can constantly act as a barrier from letting ourselves feel otherwise. The belief that no matter how tough things get, you must always maintain a positive mindset is what can be termed as toxic positivity.

“Everything is awesome”, “No matter what, stay positive”, “Why do you have to feel otherwise look at the bigger picture and stay positive” are some of the most mundane ways we hear about toxic positivity in our everyday life. While we might choose to not acknowledge our natural complex reactions to a situation, the process of healing can be prolonged and might cause more hardships. As important as it maybe to keep up with hope and stay positive, it is also important to recognize what our emotions maybe trying to tell us.

The reality is that life is a roller coaster and there is nothing wrong in breaking down and feeling worse in a difficult situation. Even though looking at the brighter side of the picture helps, but always trying to look for and forcing a mindset of despite how bad things maybe in life, we can and should still find a way to be optimistic is where the problem exits. A lot of times our needs are not fulfilled, which by the virtue of it can make a person feel hurt and disappointed and by ignoring what we feel in depth can become an unhealthy coping mechanism which in the longer run can do more harm than benefit. Sometimes, we also spread toxic positivity unintentionally even without realizing it. “Don’t worry, it'll get better”, “Just think it could be worse”, “Everything happens for a reason” are a few statements we end up telling people when they share some of their difficulties with us. It is important to stay mindful of using such statements, as it cannot only create a false belief but also make people feel unheard or invalidated. Instead, all you might have to do is listen, acknowledge and validate the other’s person’s emotions to make them feel better. “I hear what you’re saying and its okay to be upset”, “ I know you’re going through a lot, is there anything I can do to help?” are a few statements that can be used to provide someone with support without dismissing how they maybe feeling, emotionally.

Beating oneself too hard for feeling a certain way can make one feel even more complicated. Trying to tell ourself “how to feel” might not work. For example: If someone asks you to not think about a pink elephant, what is the first thing that crosses your mind? THE PINK ELEPHANT. Which is exactly the case with our emotions, the more we ask ourselves to not feel a certain way, the more it is going to get suppressed in our psyche and might manifest itself in the form of unexplained outbursts of emotions, even if we do not desire it. Our feelings and emotions are natural responses to the environment that we interact with. They just exist. By the virtue of the type of culture that we are a part of, toxic positivity is also a concept which is extremely internalized and reinforced in our biological system since our very childhood. Statements that we can tell ourselves to validate our experiences as a human can be: “I have the right to be overwhelmed”, “It is okay if I don't feel happy right now, things are tough” etc.

Life happens to all all of us and it is completely alright to have our moments of highs and lows. Let's try to be a little more compassionate towards our own selves and the people in our environment by acknowledging the emotions we feel. While we’re gifted with greatest gift of emotions, let us learn to live a life which is emotionally rich!

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.