Navigating Commitment Issues In Relationships

Commitment issues could be described as anxiety or fear of committing to something. It is the fear of doing, being in or experiencing something for the longer run. It is the act of dedicating yourself to something for a long term. Commitment issues are often seen in relationships where one partner is comfortable and ready to move into the long term phase while the other isn’t on the same page. Friendships, partnerships, etc. are also relationships where these issues could be seen but since these relationships also have a way out without dire consequences, commitment issues aren’t as prominent. But romantic relationships are those that have higher stakes and a lot attached to it therefore, commitment is seen as a big step, resulting in anxiety and fear.

Commitment issues are often seen as a huge breaking point for many relationships. Then issues come to light when the relationships are at the part where they are ready to move to another stage such as officially dating, moving in, marriage, having children, etc.

Commitment issues are often seen as a huge red flag but what it could also be is an attempt to protect oneself from getting hurt, healing from the past or a call for help to look deeper. Most times you aren’t able to see the signs early on and suddenly you feel like you are caught off-guard. Then conflicts break out, ill feelings come in, and eventually the relationship breaks off leaving you and your partners in great distress. You often feel like this issue came out of nowhere but if you look closely you can detect this early in the relationship. So here are a few things which could help you understand if commitment could be a concern looming in the shadows.

1. Hesitance or deflecting topics about the future of the relationship.

2. Avoid talking or making future plans

3. Hesitating to make things official in the relationship

4. Often saying things like “I like the space we are in” even when one partner is ready to make the move to commit.

5. There is a constant feeling of lack of emotional attachment to your partner.

6. You often feel trapped, stuck and irritated when your partner brings up topics such as marriage, dating, etc.

7. You often find it difficult to form deep emotional and meaningful connections. One partner might often find themselves feeling anxious and on edge due to the lack of communication by the partner who fears commitment.

8. The partner who fears commitment might feel overburdened and tied down by the expectations.

9. History of multiple short term flings, one-night stands or being in a friends with benefits kind of relationship.

Commitment issues always have a source which is often deep rooted, such issues could stem from the following:

If the individual comes from a broken marriage

1. Having experienced a break-up or divorce

2. Having an avoidant attachment style

3. History of abuse, infidelity and abandonment in relationship

4. Anxiety about the future

5. Lack of trust

If you feel like you or your partner could be facing such concerns here is something that you could do to work through them.

1. Individual therapy is one of the most crucial steps you could take- in this you get to express yourself free and work towards a better understanding of yourself, your insecurities and work on parts that are difficult.

2. Couple's therapy is also one of the best ways to keep your relationship healthy. Here you and your partner can work on issues such as commitment together.

3. Talking to your friends and family if you sense yourself feeling uncomfortable with long term decisions or if you feel your partner struggles with them.

4. Reaffirm yourself and your beliefs and values.

Commitment issues are common and you need not fear if you find yourself in such relationships. These issues can be worked out with a little understanding, patience and care.

Disclaimer: This blog post meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.