How to be a responsible and empathetic LGBTQIA+ Ally?

The LGBTQIA+ community has witnessed years of stigma and discrimination. However, now, more than ever, the world has evolved and shown some humanity. It is safe to say that we, as human beings, all need support. However, individuals in this community may need that support more than we think. An LGBTQIA+ ally is an individual who cares deeply about the causes of the community and is willing to lend an extra hand for their well-being. Being an ally also involves helping to community fight their challenges, battling the stigma and celebrating pride. Some of the challenges that allies can support the community with include breaking the stigma of heterosexuality and dealing with transprejudice. Celebrating pride can be done by supporting the people around them who identify as a part of the community.

How do we do this? How can we be an ally ? Here, we highlight some of the ways in which we can be allies of the community:

• Read and read some more. If you don’t know too much about the community, there is an ocean full of information on the internet. To be an ally, it is important to not only stay up to date with terms and trends in the community, but also, to stay abreast with relevant challenges and hardships they are facing.

• Misgendering/deadnaming is a big NO. Truly showing your support means making conscious efforts to use the right pronouns or refer to them the way they want to be referred to. Empathy and sensitivity are key in such matters, even though it may seem confusing to you.

• Ask, Don’t assume. It is okay to not know something, but it is not okay to assume something that you don’t know much about. If you’re unsure about something, ask members or friends who are a part of the community. They will be happy to educate you. At the same time, be cautious not to ask questions that are too personal or that may come across as demeaning or offensive. Use your discretion and handle matters with utmost respect.

• Being an ally means standing up for their rights. Speaking up when people say offensive things demarks your support. But if you don’t speak up in those crucial moments, the stigma carries on to see another day. Use your voice for the right cause in the best way that you can. This could also include standing up for a member in the LGBTQIA+ community when they are in danger or in harm’s way. If they need any kind of physical/emotional assistance, it becomes your responsibility on those moments to provide that.

• Being an ally means supporting equality in all aspects. This means that you need to be an ally everywhere you go and not just selectively. Wear the ally flag with pride.

• Confidentiality is key. If someone is coming out to you, it is your responsibility to respect their need for privacy. You cannot ‘out’ them without their consent or knowledge.

• Educate. Allies also take on the responsibility of educating other cis gender heterosexuals on the entire spectrum and promotes the notion that homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, pansexuality or asexuality are not a pathological conditions that can be ‘fixed’, ‘treated’, or ‘cured’.

Going a step further, there are certain things that we can do to help empower this community. These include:

• Help raise funds to support an individual who may have been forced to leave their house due to their identity or orientation.

• Actively participate in protests and rallies that promote LGBTQIA+ rights.

• Reassure individuals in the community of ‘normality’.

• Participate in support groups – encourage and educate parents of LGBTQIA+ individuals on matters less known. This can also be done by providing them with resources that helped you understand the community better. Provide them the right information, and clarify their doubts. Also provide validation for their hesitations and lack of knowledge.

• Help cis-het family members cope and provide adequate strategies for the same. Help them focus on building a meaningful relationship with that member rather than focusing on how they are different.

• Work on your own feelings towards the community, notice any discomforts, address them.

• Empathize with them – know that while their experiences may be very different from yours, but at the end of the day, they are human beings who just want to be accepted the way they are. Help them feel validated and enable their self-confidence.

The most important factor in all of this, is to continue fighting the stigma on a daily basis. This is the only way forward. Raise awareness, argue amicably and provide unconditional acceptance and support to them. They are only people looking to find their place in this world. We can go a long way in making it easier for them.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.